Some sad, and some happy. It evens out. (VENT)

So Shane and I broke up on March 4th around 8 pm ish.
I broke up with him after my performance for the Jazz Concert.
Why? I didn't think he wanted me.
In a simple sense, we are both grieving.. even now.. well me at least.
I guess its kind of a stupid break up. It would of been fixed in the snap of my fingers.. if I only talked about it.
I'm already grieving, so lets not talk about this..
On the bright side I am hanging out with my friends more often.
Erika and Carl are really helping me out, so is Jimmy and Ben and Le.
They are all amazing people and I truly appreciate them by my side.
However I have been getting in trouble since March 4th. >>
My best friend Carl told me how much he wanted to be with me an hour after the break up with Shane.
He had arrived at my house and kissed me.. >>
Of course, eventually I told him that I didn't want anything from him.. but it took me until two days ago to do it..
I told him I wanted to be friends.
I'm such a coward haha..
I also got into another situation with a guy named Lawrence Le..
To keep this as simple as possible.. He would call me and text me all the time..
and tried to pursue me..
He wanted to marry me he told me... >>
But i kept telling him I didn't want a relationship..
I flipped out on him a few times..
but finally a couple days ago, I told him I just wanted to be friends.. I mean, I have been telling him that before...
but I really punched it in his face this time.
So Carl is back to normal. Normal as in being my best friend and nothing else.
Lawrence won't talk to me at all..
Of course I couldn't tell Erika about the whole Carl thing because Erika likes Carl... >>
So I kept it to myself... but now that this whole thing is over..
:D I can be clingy to my Erika again <3
Erika and I are sooooooo attached to eachother. :D
Oh yeah,
Last week on Tuesday I hung out with Jimmy. (:
My crush since I was 7 years old.
Of course he will NEVER know that though. keke.
We went to the mall, we had some bubble tea like asians and he bought me a present. :D

He bought me a piggy pen, that lights up and oinks! I love that thing! It makes me happy! I use it in school~
So since then Jimmy and I have been talking non stop. :D
Yesterday it was so sweet he sang me a 'lullaby'...
Although it was so out of tune! xD
It went like this:
"Erika~ I hope you had a good day.... lalalalalallal~. You won't have any nightmares because *crack in voice* Jimmyys here~... lalalallalaa. " and it went on and on :D
It was so funny I kept laughing. :P

Oh and about Shane?

I still miss him, greatly.
I think of him everyday and embrace Shane the monkey every morning before I go to school.
When I get really lonely I start to sing the wake up song to myself so I am not in so much of a bad mood.

"Its time to wake up.. wake up your lazy butt, across the nation to the station just wont work... budabuda buda~ da da da in the morning!"

I hang out and do things with others to distract myself.
Yet I always end up thinking about him.
Haha. I guess thats love..
My music, I can't focus so well.
I don't want to practice,
My emotions are numb and I can't express anything.. It really sucks.
So I just know that I have to try my hardest and smile.. heal my heart...and wait.
Shane said that he will come to my house and pick up his stuff and give me my stuff back.
Yet part of me is scared to see him..
How should I react?
I keep wondering.
"Erika and her million scenarios..."
I haven't come up with one correct one.
At least, one that I would actually do.

Jimmys been distracting me from Shane.. afterall I've always had a crush on him after all.
yet, hearing Jimmys voice at night isn't the same..
Carl's kiss isn't the same as Shane's kiss.
Erikas wake up calls arn't the same..
Shane is the one that I needed all along.

Well its some sad and some happy, It evens out.
(:
Wish me luck with Shane.