So there are some true weirdos out there. Today at school, I finished the quarter up and I went to the practice room to practice. I then got really hungry, and I had a gut feeling that I should probably go home. I went downstairs with my keys in my hand, and I on my way to leave the building I saw this guy, I'm going to censor his name and call him N. He saw me with excitement and hugged me tightly, and I didn't think anything of it. He was simply someone that just hugged me. I then ran into my girl as friend Shayne. I told her I wanted to play her a song that I learned. She nodded, and N decided that he wanted to listen to, so being courteous, i said okay. But it turned out that it was just N that came with me. It was awkward from that moment.
He followed me into the practice room, and I smiled in awkwardness. I started to play for him, and he got aroused it seemed. So in response, I told him that I only really practice piano and flute with my time, and I don't have much else of a social life, because I have no interest to do so. (AKA my hint of, don't even try to hit on me buddy.)
He then decided that I shouldn't practice anymore. I was PISSED. You don't stop me from practicing. I then got really upset, so then I basically told him I was going home. Practicing is what I was there for. So i went to grab my backpack, but he grabbed it before me. I went to grab for it because it was MY backpack, and I WANTED it. But he wouldn't LET me. He kept saying no, pulling the backpack away. I eventually got PISSED and gave up. I went to grab for the backpack again, and he again wouldn't let me, even though he had his car RIGHT next to him. Finally we arrive at my car, and he puts my backpack in my car, and I wave bye to him, hoping he would leave. He then grabbed me and picked me up, I struggled...and screamed, but he just continued to carry me, and put me in my car seat. I then waved bye to him again, but he put his face close to me, and i pulled my face away, touching everything he can. He eventually left, eventually but it took a lot of effort. I kinda sped out of school, and i felt anxious to go home.
I did tell him to stop, I hinted to him too, but he didn't catch it. I have a performance this Sunday, I'm scared.
I hope everything is okay on Sunday.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
My, I forgot about you/ Will you marry me?
You know those people, that you completely forget about?
I had one of those moments.
I was gonna date this guy, and I totally forgot he existed. Haha. I'm a jerk.
I even went through the process of trying to remember who he was.
He asked me out on a date, it was so sweet, but after we decided not to date, my mind just sorta forgot about him. I do that to a lot of people, not just him. In this case, it was my friend Brendan. Sorry man! I didn't mean to forget about you if you are reading this!
I remember you now!
So what did I do today?
Today I went to school, Fall quarter ends tomorrow for me. I did a vocabulary test, and did a review for the final tomorrow for Statistics. It was pretty fun (:
I also practiced piano for 5 ish... maybe 4 and 30 hours haha, close enough. (: I was playing Chopin Waltz no 10 in B minor Op 69 no 2.
I just started and I got it all down, both hand! I just gotta polish! (: I really enjoy piano!
I also hung out with my buddy Gabby, and I ate a GIGANTIC Rice Crispy Treat. It was.. fantastic man.
Also I also wanted to add, that I have fantastic friends. Manny, Marsha, Peter, you made my day Saturday night! :D We all went to Shari's and we had a full in debt conversation about Sticks, Pineapples, Music (of course, we are all Musicians! :D) , and our sexual preferences. They truly make me smile. (:
Also for Gabby, because she tells me funny sex stories. :D We also have deep deep conversations about Sheep, and it is just simply fantastic. She is quite lovely. (:
Oh yeah, so I've asked so many people if they would marry me. I think its proper to explain my meaning behind it. Haha.
Even if you were a boyfriend, when I say "Will you Marry Me?" Or "Will you Marry Me in Erika World?" I don't mean literally marry me. I simply mean "Make me a sandwich." And I'm sorry to say this, but if you took it seriously, I would of played along to it. Although I usually explain it, there was one case in which I thought his response was too cute to explain the joke behind it. That's Chris, he had the cutest response at the time. I kinda didn't wanna explain it. Haha, even though that's not what I really meant behind it. Eventually he took it too seriously though, I feel bad, I really should of explained it! He thought I was taking things too fast, which in his case, it definitely does seem so. But rest assure, I'm not thinking about marriage. Lol, I'm not getting married for 10 years! How could I possibly be thinking of marriage! I definitely learned my lesson by that relationship. Sorry Chris. I still to this day feel bad.
Anyways about asking if they would marry me, I just had to bring up my girlfriend in this one.
My girlfriend gets it~
This totally made my day.
I was sending her a message in pig latin, that said "Hey whats up?" But she totally didn't understand, so she replied with "No I will not make you a sandwich. XD"
I was so proud at that point.
So proud.
It really makes a difference when you explain the joke, although there is rare cases like Gabby and I who just know it means "Make me a sandwich." However, for the normal human mind, I guess I was a bit too harsh, and I scared others. But once they understood, they laughed. I really to this day should of explained it to Chris, but I suppose that if he reads this, he will finally understand.
To me, Marriage is something that is really traditional, and maybe it shouldn't be joked about. But to be honest, if I am not getting married for 10 years, and if the one I want to marry is a girl in that 10 years or so, I couldn't possibly marry her because of certain laws. I think that being with that certain someone is something simply to value, and marriage, you can certainly wait for. I hope in 10 years, same sex marriage gets legal.
Moral of the story, Don't rush into marriage, and take your time in finding someone to love.
Even if you find a girl, or a guy, or the same sex, it should matter. You should love the person, and not the gender.
Also, don't go along with a joke for too long, it really can go too far. I still to this day feel guilty. But there is one thing though if it makes that person feel better. I really did value Chris as a person, and that was a wonderful relationship. I feel bad for making it seem like I was rushing into things, but you learn from your mistakes, and I'm glad I messed up with such a forgiving person like Chris, who is willing to be my friend in the end.
I also came up with the conclusion that I won't use that phrase freely, because It can bring the wrong idea. If I really wanted a sandwich, I should just say "Make me a sandwich." But that's not gonna stop me from saying it. It might come out with Gabby, because she's.. Gabby.
No homo man.
Alright, haha well I'm gonna get going, (:
Good night~
Erika
I had one of those moments.
I was gonna date this guy, and I totally forgot he existed. Haha. I'm a jerk.
I even went through the process of trying to remember who he was.
He asked me out on a date, it was so sweet, but after we decided not to date, my mind just sorta forgot about him. I do that to a lot of people, not just him. In this case, it was my friend Brendan. Sorry man! I didn't mean to forget about you if you are reading this!
I remember you now!
So what did I do today?
Today I went to school, Fall quarter ends tomorrow for me. I did a vocabulary test, and did a review for the final tomorrow for Statistics. It was pretty fun (:
I also practiced piano for 5 ish... maybe 4 and 30 hours haha, close enough. (: I was playing Chopin Waltz no 10 in B minor Op 69 no 2.
I just started and I got it all down, both hand! I just gotta polish! (: I really enjoy piano!
I also hung out with my buddy Gabby, and I ate a GIGANTIC Rice Crispy Treat. It was.. fantastic man.
Also I also wanted to add, that I have fantastic friends. Manny, Marsha, Peter, you made my day Saturday night! :D We all went to Shari's and we had a full in debt conversation about Sticks, Pineapples, Music (of course, we are all Musicians! :D) , and our sexual preferences. They truly make me smile. (:
Also for Gabby, because she tells me funny sex stories. :D We also have deep deep conversations about Sheep, and it is just simply fantastic. She is quite lovely. (:
Oh yeah, so I've asked so many people if they would marry me. I think its proper to explain my meaning behind it. Haha.
Even if you were a boyfriend, when I say "Will you Marry Me?" Or "Will you Marry Me in Erika World?" I don't mean literally marry me. I simply mean "Make me a sandwich." And I'm sorry to say this, but if you took it seriously, I would of played along to it. Although I usually explain it, there was one case in which I thought his response was too cute to explain the joke behind it. That's Chris, he had the cutest response at the time. I kinda didn't wanna explain it. Haha, even though that's not what I really meant behind it. Eventually he took it too seriously though, I feel bad, I really should of explained it! He thought I was taking things too fast, which in his case, it definitely does seem so. But rest assure, I'm not thinking about marriage. Lol, I'm not getting married for 10 years! How could I possibly be thinking of marriage! I definitely learned my lesson by that relationship. Sorry Chris. I still to this day feel bad.
Anyways about asking if they would marry me, I just had to bring up my girlfriend in this one.
My girlfriend gets it~
This totally made my day.
I was sending her a message in pig latin, that said "Hey whats up?" But she totally didn't understand, so she replied with "No I will not make you a sandwich. XD"
I was so proud at that point.
So proud.
It really makes a difference when you explain the joke, although there is rare cases like Gabby and I who just know it means "Make me a sandwich." However, for the normal human mind, I guess I was a bit too harsh, and I scared others. But once they understood, they laughed. I really to this day should of explained it to Chris, but I suppose that if he reads this, he will finally understand.
To me, Marriage is something that is really traditional, and maybe it shouldn't be joked about. But to be honest, if I am not getting married for 10 years, and if the one I want to marry is a girl in that 10 years or so, I couldn't possibly marry her because of certain laws. I think that being with that certain someone is something simply to value, and marriage, you can certainly wait for. I hope in 10 years, same sex marriage gets legal.
Moral of the story, Don't rush into marriage, and take your time in finding someone to love.
Even if you find a girl, or a guy, or the same sex, it should matter. You should love the person, and not the gender.
Also, don't go along with a joke for too long, it really can go too far. I still to this day feel guilty. But there is one thing though if it makes that person feel better. I really did value Chris as a person, and that was a wonderful relationship. I feel bad for making it seem like I was rushing into things, but you learn from your mistakes, and I'm glad I messed up with such a forgiving person like Chris, who is willing to be my friend in the end.
I also came up with the conclusion that I won't use that phrase freely, because It can bring the wrong idea. If I really wanted a sandwich, I should just say "Make me a sandwich." But that's not gonna stop me from saying it. It might come out with Gabby, because she's.. Gabby.
No homo man.
Alright, haha well I'm gonna get going, (:
Good night~
Erika
Sunday, December 4, 2011
My my my. It really has been a long time.
WARNING: I am going to be speaking my mind. A moment of my daily thought process.
So when I left off this blog I was suffering from the break up with Shane. WOW. That was a LONG time ago. Now I look at myself, and I am completely recovered. Its amazing how time is your greatest medicine.
Yet I haven't changed. I am still sensitive as ever. I still break up with people over thinking they didn't want me. When am I going to learn to talk about things? It's actually really pathetic.
So the last entry I was talking about Jimmy. What happened to him? Right? Alright let me explain.
Jimmy and I ended up liking each other. We were going to date, and we had a little bit of a fling. However since we lived so far away, we decided to slowly get into it. But of course, stupid me, decided to not go for it. I voted against it. Now don't get me wrong. I still miss that boy, and I had liked that boy since I was 7, I dated him when I was 13, and I am STILL not over him. I have liked him for 11 years. (HOLY COW) However, I just knew that it wasn't time for us to get back together IF we were going to get back together. Right now he is dating this great girl, and I am happy for him. He has ALL my support!
Shane? We stopped talking. Basically. Lol. He is now dating my best friend.
Carl and Erika G?
Well Carl is STILL my best friend, Erika G? She shunned me from her life. She really liked Carl, and lets just say a bunch of drama sprouted from it. It wasn't pretty. But I miss her dearly. I still think about her everyday. I pray that she is doing well.
So have I been in any relationships between then and now?
Hah, I have.
I dated this guy named Brook, he was an amazing boyfriend. Although we were distant with each other, it was a very comfortable relationship. I still think about that boy. I am like best friends with his parents, and his mom and I have girls nights out. Its really nice. I can cry to her, and vent to her, and she is there for me. He broke up with me on our 4 month anniversary. But I don't regret anything. He was an amazing guy. I value the time we had together. (:
My favorite memory? Haha. Oh man. I think it was the first day we met actually. I went up to him and let out my hands. He was so confused. I then taught him that dumb hand game I play with everyone. I was so content by being able to play that game with him. I felt at the time, as if thats all I needed. Throughout that whole relationship, it was simply comfortable. We didn't need to reassure each other all the time, we didn't need to say "I love you" to each other. We didn't have to be lovey dovey to each other. We made fun of each other and didn't take it personally. We would dance ridiculously with each other and simply... laugh. We could talk about our days and feel completely content. So why did we break up? He had a prompting from God. He said that was his only reason. I choose to believe him.
Plus I ruined it. He noticed that I started to loose it in our relationship. I knew he did. No matter how much I tried to hide it. I was really bad at it though. He kindly never asked. I fell for someone else. This guys name was Chris.
So before we got together, I was actually plotting a way to get out of it.. honestly. Because I knew that I was getting in the relationship with the wrong intentions. And because of the wrong intentions, I gave in no foundation. Although I gave my efforts in other aspects, I couldn't honestly put in a foundation. Simply because I beat myself up that whole relationship because It didn't feel right. The whole relationship, something was missing. So I put in so much effort to find that missing item. But it was simply me.
Deep down, I wanted to wait and slow down and take it easy. I wanted to stop and make him wait. Because I KNEW that if I waited, that I could give him something stable. But I never was able to give him something stable. Not stable in my book.
So you may be wondering, why the heck did you go for the relationship then?
Emotions.
I fell for him too fast, too hard. It scared me. I got scared, and when I get scared I hold onto things with all my might. But as they say, if you hold to something too tight, they tend to want to nudge away. I was afraid the whole relationship. I was afraid from the very beginning...
I was afraid of loosing my chance. Because he was such an amazing guy, that I felt was too good for me. So I grabbed onto the offer. Even though I still, to this day, regret the fact that I didn't wait. I wish I had waited.
Alright, favorite memory.
Hmm.
I think my favorite memory is anytime we talked. He always always brightened my day just by him saying hi to me. He still does. But since we broke up, he doesn't do that anymore. It really sucks. Haha, but I deserve it. (:
I also was really insecure in that relationship. I had a HUGE lack of stability. It was humiliating. I wish I could of shown him my strong side, you know? But I don't regret the relationship. I just want to go back in time and fix everything. But that's not life. Life, you learn from your mistakes. I was meant to mess up. I was meant to learn. I was meant to learn to care about someone and truly trust them. I experienced what it felt like to fall really hard for someone. I just pray that we can still be good friends when things calm down a bit. But man, don't ever fall hard for someone! OMGOSH! It was so flipping scary! Man! So scary man. I don't wanna do it again!
A few days I got into another relationship, and man, this is interesting. I am SHARING someone. lol. Oh well. Half work for me? Haha. But nah, I have a gf, and she totally is still in love with this guy, and she messes around with him, and I am simply letting her. I don't want to deprive her. I don't have sticks. I can't provide her with such things. Sticks. >.>
She is a really sweet girl though. I am very open with her, and I tell her everything. However I have a bit of a problem of not talking to her enough.
I usually don't check my phone a lot of the time, so sometimes I get piled in her messages. I love it, but I also feel bad because the majority of those messages are:
I miss you!
You there?
Hey Erika!
You there honey?
I also feel like I don't give her enough love, even though she says I do. I just still have a guard up I suppose, I can't seem to let it down yet. Because of my last relationship, I have this exotic (how it is exotic I have no idea! :D) fear of falling for people. But it'll come down in a slow process. I really care about this girl, so I just have to slowly open up to her.
Music? Its been going great! My dreams are slowly coming true~! :D
I am so thankful! So so so thankful!
Alright~ :D I'll write later~ :D
Erika!
So when I left off this blog I was suffering from the break up with Shane. WOW. That was a LONG time ago. Now I look at myself, and I am completely recovered. Its amazing how time is your greatest medicine.
Yet I haven't changed. I am still sensitive as ever. I still break up with people over thinking they didn't want me. When am I going to learn to talk about things? It's actually really pathetic.
So the last entry I was talking about Jimmy. What happened to him? Right? Alright let me explain.
Jimmy and I ended up liking each other. We were going to date, and we had a little bit of a fling. However since we lived so far away, we decided to slowly get into it. But of course, stupid me, decided to not go for it. I voted against it. Now don't get me wrong. I still miss that boy, and I had liked that boy since I was 7, I dated him when I was 13, and I am STILL not over him. I have liked him for 11 years. (HOLY COW) However, I just knew that it wasn't time for us to get back together IF we were going to get back together. Right now he is dating this great girl, and I am happy for him. He has ALL my support!
Shane? We stopped talking. Basically. Lol. He is now dating my best friend.
Carl and Erika G?
Well Carl is STILL my best friend, Erika G? She shunned me from her life. She really liked Carl, and lets just say a bunch of drama sprouted from it. It wasn't pretty. But I miss her dearly. I still think about her everyday. I pray that she is doing well.
So have I been in any relationships between then and now?
Hah, I have.
I dated this guy named Brook, he was an amazing boyfriend. Although we were distant with each other, it was a very comfortable relationship. I still think about that boy. I am like best friends with his parents, and his mom and I have girls nights out. Its really nice. I can cry to her, and vent to her, and she is there for me. He broke up with me on our 4 month anniversary. But I don't regret anything. He was an amazing guy. I value the time we had together. (:
My favorite memory? Haha. Oh man. I think it was the first day we met actually. I went up to him and let out my hands. He was so confused. I then taught him that dumb hand game I play with everyone. I was so content by being able to play that game with him. I felt at the time, as if thats all I needed. Throughout that whole relationship, it was simply comfortable. We didn't need to reassure each other all the time, we didn't need to say "I love you" to each other. We didn't have to be lovey dovey to each other. We made fun of each other and didn't take it personally. We would dance ridiculously with each other and simply... laugh. We could talk about our days and feel completely content. So why did we break up? He had a prompting from God. He said that was his only reason. I choose to believe him.
Plus I ruined it. He noticed that I started to loose it in our relationship. I knew he did. No matter how much I tried to hide it. I was really bad at it though. He kindly never asked. I fell for someone else. This guys name was Chris.
So before we got together, I was actually plotting a way to get out of it.. honestly. Because I knew that I was getting in the relationship with the wrong intentions. And because of the wrong intentions, I gave in no foundation. Although I gave my efforts in other aspects, I couldn't honestly put in a foundation. Simply because I beat myself up that whole relationship because It didn't feel right. The whole relationship, something was missing. So I put in so much effort to find that missing item. But it was simply me.
Deep down, I wanted to wait and slow down and take it easy. I wanted to stop and make him wait. Because I KNEW that if I waited, that I could give him something stable. But I never was able to give him something stable. Not stable in my book.
So you may be wondering, why the heck did you go for the relationship then?
Emotions.
I fell for him too fast, too hard. It scared me. I got scared, and when I get scared I hold onto things with all my might. But as they say, if you hold to something too tight, they tend to want to nudge away. I was afraid the whole relationship. I was afraid from the very beginning...
I was afraid of loosing my chance. Because he was such an amazing guy, that I felt was too good for me. So I grabbed onto the offer. Even though I still, to this day, regret the fact that I didn't wait. I wish I had waited.
Alright, favorite memory.
Hmm.
I think my favorite memory is anytime we talked. He always always brightened my day just by him saying hi to me. He still does. But since we broke up, he doesn't do that anymore. It really sucks. Haha, but I deserve it. (:
I also was really insecure in that relationship. I had a HUGE lack of stability. It was humiliating. I wish I could of shown him my strong side, you know? But I don't regret the relationship. I just want to go back in time and fix everything. But that's not life. Life, you learn from your mistakes. I was meant to mess up. I was meant to learn. I was meant to learn to care about someone and truly trust them. I experienced what it felt like to fall really hard for someone. I just pray that we can still be good friends when things calm down a bit. But man, don't ever fall hard for someone! OMGOSH! It was so flipping scary! Man! So scary man. I don't wanna do it again!
A few days I got into another relationship, and man, this is interesting. I am SHARING someone. lol. Oh well. Half work for me? Haha. But nah, I have a gf, and she totally is still in love with this guy, and she messes around with him, and I am simply letting her. I don't want to deprive her. I don't have sticks. I can't provide her with such things. Sticks. >.>
She is a really sweet girl though. I am very open with her, and I tell her everything. However I have a bit of a problem of not talking to her enough.
I usually don't check my phone a lot of the time, so sometimes I get piled in her messages. I love it, but I also feel bad because the majority of those messages are:
I miss you!
You there?
Hey Erika!
You there honey?
I also feel like I don't give her enough love, even though she says I do. I just still have a guard up I suppose, I can't seem to let it down yet. Because of my last relationship, I have this exotic (how it is exotic I have no idea! :D) fear of falling for people. But it'll come down in a slow process. I really care about this girl, so I just have to slowly open up to her.
Music? Its been going great! My dreams are slowly coming true~! :D
I am so thankful! So so so thankful!
Alright~ :D I'll write later~ :D
Erika!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Some sad, and some happy. It evens out. (VENT)
So Shane and I broke up on March 4th around 8 pm ish.
I broke up with him after my performance for the Jazz Concert.
Why? I didn't think he wanted me.
In a simple sense, we are both grieving.. even now.. well me at least.
I guess its kind of a stupid break up. It would of been fixed in the snap of my fingers.. if I only talked about it.
I'm already grieving, so lets not talk about this..
On the bright side I am hanging out with my friends more often.
Erika and Carl are really helping me out, so is Jimmy and Ben and Le.
They are all amazing people and I truly appreciate them by my side.
However I have been getting in trouble since March 4th. >>
My best friend Carl told me how much he wanted to be with me an hour after the break up with Shane.
He had arrived at my house and kissed me.. >>
Of course, eventually I told him that I didn't want anything from him.. but it took me until two days ago to do it..
I told him I wanted to be friends.
I'm such a coward haha..
I also got into another situation with a guy named Lawrence Le..
To keep this as simple as possible.. He would call me and text me all the time..
and tried to pursue me..
He wanted to marry me he told me... >>
But i kept telling him I didn't want a relationship..
I flipped out on him a few times..
but finally a couple days ago, I told him I just wanted to be friends.. I mean, I have been telling him that before...
but I really punched it in his face this time.
So Carl is back to normal. Normal as in being my best friend and nothing else.
Lawrence won't talk to me at all..
Of course I couldn't tell Erika about the whole Carl thing because Erika likes Carl... >>
So I kept it to myself... but now that this whole thing is over..
:D I can be clingy to my Erika again <3
Erika and I are sooooooo attached to eachother. :D
Oh yeah,
Last week on Tuesday I hung out with Jimmy. (:
My crush since I was 7 years old.
Of course he will NEVER know that though. keke.
We went to the mall, we had some bubble tea like asians and he bought me a present. :D
He bought me a piggy pen, that lights up and oinks! I love that thing! It makes me happy! I use it in school~
So since then Jimmy and I have been talking non stop. :D
Yesterday it was so sweet he sang me a 'lullaby'...
Although it was so out of tune! xD
It went like this:
"Erika~ I hope you had a good day.... lalalalalallal~. You won't have any nightmares because *crack in voice* Jimmyys here~... lalalallalaa. " and it went on and on :D
It was so funny I kept laughing. :P
Oh and about Shane?
I still miss him, greatly.
I think of him everyday and embrace Shane the monkey every morning before I go to school.
When I get really lonely I start to sing the wake up song to myself so I am not in so much of a bad mood.
"Its time to wake up.. wake up your lazy butt, across the nation to the station just wont work... budabuda buda~ da da da in the morning!"
I hang out and do things with others to distract myself.
Yet I always end up thinking about him.
Haha. I guess thats love..
My music, I can't focus so well.
I don't want to practice,
My emotions are numb and I can't express anything.. It really sucks.
So I just know that I have to try my hardest and smile.. heal my heart...and wait.
Shane said that he will come to my house and pick up his stuff and give me my stuff back.
Yet part of me is scared to see him..
How should I react?
I keep wondering.
"Erika and her million scenarios..."
I haven't come up with one correct one.
At least, one that I would actually do.
Jimmys been distracting me from Shane.. afterall I've always had a crush on him after all.
yet, hearing Jimmys voice at night isn't the same..
Carl's kiss isn't the same as Shane's kiss.
Erikas wake up calls arn't the same..
Shane is the one that I needed all along.
Well its some sad and some happy, It evens out.
(:
Wish me luck with Shane.
I broke up with him after my performance for the Jazz Concert.
Why? I didn't think he wanted me.
In a simple sense, we are both grieving.. even now.. well me at least.
I guess its kind of a stupid break up. It would of been fixed in the snap of my fingers.. if I only talked about it.
I'm already grieving, so lets not talk about this..
On the bright side I am hanging out with my friends more often.
Erika and Carl are really helping me out, so is Jimmy and Ben and Le.
They are all amazing people and I truly appreciate them by my side.
However I have been getting in trouble since March 4th. >>
My best friend Carl told me how much he wanted to be with me an hour after the break up with Shane.
He had arrived at my house and kissed me.. >>
Of course, eventually I told him that I didn't want anything from him.. but it took me until two days ago to do it..
I told him I wanted to be friends.
I'm such a coward haha..
I also got into another situation with a guy named Lawrence Le..
To keep this as simple as possible.. He would call me and text me all the time..
and tried to pursue me..
He wanted to marry me he told me... >>
But i kept telling him I didn't want a relationship..
I flipped out on him a few times..
but finally a couple days ago, I told him I just wanted to be friends.. I mean, I have been telling him that before...
but I really punched it in his face this time.
So Carl is back to normal. Normal as in being my best friend and nothing else.
Lawrence won't talk to me at all..
Of course I couldn't tell Erika about the whole Carl thing because Erika likes Carl... >>
So I kept it to myself... but now that this whole thing is over..
:D I can be clingy to my Erika again <3
Erika and I are sooooooo attached to eachother. :D
Oh yeah,
Last week on Tuesday I hung out with Jimmy. (:
My crush since I was 7 years old.
Of course he will NEVER know that though. keke.
We went to the mall, we had some bubble tea like asians and he bought me a present. :D
He bought me a piggy pen, that lights up and oinks! I love that thing! It makes me happy! I use it in school~
So since then Jimmy and I have been talking non stop. :D
Yesterday it was so sweet he sang me a 'lullaby'...
Although it was so out of tune! xD
It went like this:
"Erika~ I hope you had a good day.... lalalalalallal~. You won't have any nightmares because *crack in voice* Jimmyys here~... lalalallalaa. " and it went on and on :D
It was so funny I kept laughing. :P
Oh and about Shane?
I still miss him, greatly.
I think of him everyday and embrace Shane the monkey every morning before I go to school.
When I get really lonely I start to sing the wake up song to myself so I am not in so much of a bad mood.
"Its time to wake up.. wake up your lazy butt, across the nation to the station just wont work... budabuda buda~ da da da in the morning!"
I hang out and do things with others to distract myself.
Yet I always end up thinking about him.
Haha. I guess thats love..
My music, I can't focus so well.
I don't want to practice,
My emotions are numb and I can't express anything.. It really sucks.
So I just know that I have to try my hardest and smile.. heal my heart...and wait.
Shane said that he will come to my house and pick up his stuff and give me my stuff back.
Yet part of me is scared to see him..
How should I react?
I keep wondering.
"Erika and her million scenarios..."
I haven't come up with one correct one.
At least, one that I would actually do.
Jimmys been distracting me from Shane.. afterall I've always had a crush on him after all.
yet, hearing Jimmys voice at night isn't the same..
Carl's kiss isn't the same as Shane's kiss.
Erikas wake up calls arn't the same..
Shane is the one that I needed all along.
Well its some sad and some happy, It evens out.
(:
Wish me luck with Shane.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Its amazing how things work out.
2 months before I met Shane, I was a loner. I never smiled, I never knew love. Heck, I don't think I really took care of my self. My emotions were only apathy, and the only objective I had of life was to study and do homework and excel at whatever my parents wanted me to pursue in. I had lots of friends, but I acted around them. I pretended to smile, but they knew it wasn't real. Sooner or later people were intimidated and annoyed by me, and they stopped wanting to be around me.
It didn't take long until people who were close to me, began to lecture me. Saying how it 'depresses the world' and I need to learn how to smile and be the 'old me' again. Whoever that was. I eventually just ignored it and went to school one day. This girl named Alannah went behind my back as I turned around and gave her a vicious look. She gasped at my personality and immediately asked what was wrong, but I shook my head and just stated that I changed. She gave me a concerned look and tried to reason with me, I told her that there was nothing wrong and said I was just tired.
The convo kinda went like this..
A: Hey you
E: Hey..
A: Theres someone I want you to meet
E: really Alannah? A relationship?
A: How'd you know.?
E: I just do.
A: Well, his name is Shane. Hes really cute.
E: I see.
A: Do you not care.
E: Heh, not really.. I mean I dont know the guy or what he looks like.
A: Thats why I want you to meet him.
E: Meet him? How? You know how busy I am
A: Come on, meet him... please! your the only person I will let him be with.
E: Alright.. Well what does he look like?
A: Hes asian?
E(blush): Asian?!
A: Yup!
E(blushes but tries to keep her cool) : okay okay.! ill meet him. But don't expect me to be nice to him.
Erika exits.
Day of meeting Shane:
Alannah introduces us and I give Shane a smirk. We walk to the cafeteria. I put down my flute case.
"Hey is that a piano in there?" Shane smiled trying to start a conversation.
"No, its a flute" Completly taking it seriously.
I sat down and Shane looked at me and smiled at me, I looked away embarressed.
When he started to crack so cheesy jokes I couldn't help but smile. That was the first time I genuinely smiled in a long time at that moment.
From then on, my friends and I restored friendships, and I am with a wonderful boyfriend (:
Its AMAZING how things work out!
I love you Shane. Forever and Always!
It didn't take long until people who were close to me, began to lecture me. Saying how it 'depresses the world' and I need to learn how to smile and be the 'old me' again. Whoever that was. I eventually just ignored it and went to school one day. This girl named Alannah went behind my back as I turned around and gave her a vicious look. She gasped at my personality and immediately asked what was wrong, but I shook my head and just stated that I changed. She gave me a concerned look and tried to reason with me, I told her that there was nothing wrong and said I was just tired.
The convo kinda went like this..
A: Hey you
E: Hey..
A: Theres someone I want you to meet
E: really Alannah? A relationship?
A: How'd you know.?
E: I just do.
A: Well, his name is Shane. Hes really cute.
E: I see.
A: Do you not care.
E: Heh, not really.. I mean I dont know the guy or what he looks like.
A: Thats why I want you to meet him.
E: Meet him? How? You know how busy I am
A: Come on, meet him... please! your the only person I will let him be with.
E: Alright.. Well what does he look like?
A: Hes asian?
E(blush): Asian?!
A: Yup!
E(blushes but tries to keep her cool) : okay okay.! ill meet him. But don't expect me to be nice to him.
Erika exits.
Day of meeting Shane:
Alannah introduces us and I give Shane a smirk. We walk to the cafeteria. I put down my flute case.
"Hey is that a piano in there?" Shane smiled trying to start a conversation.
"No, its a flute" Completly taking it seriously.
I sat down and Shane looked at me and smiled at me, I looked away embarressed.
When he started to crack so cheesy jokes I couldn't help but smile. That was the first time I genuinely smiled in a long time at that moment.
From then on, my friends and I restored friendships, and I am with a wonderful boyfriend (:
Its AMAZING how things work out!
I love you Shane. Forever and Always!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I am so free.
I am free from the darkness of calculus class. I am celebrating with sparks of happiness in my spine. So now.. I am going to write a poem on how happy I am.
Calculus isn't here
what bliss
I love how its gone
its never a miss
I wanted to run away
so long ago
now thats it done
im flying on a boat.
Calculus isn't here
im so happy
I never had a class before
that made me feel so nappy
So hurray hurray
No calculus is a big day
this sight of relief
its here to stay. ~ <3
Calculus isn't here
what bliss
I love how its gone
its never a miss
I wanted to run away
so long ago
now thats it done
im flying on a boat.
Calculus isn't here
im so happy
I never had a class before
that made me feel so nappy
So hurray hurray
No calculus is a big day
this sight of relief
its here to stay. ~ <3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)