So there are some true weirdos out there. Today at school, I finished the quarter up and I went to the practice room to practice. I then got really hungry, and I had a gut feeling that I should probably go home. I went downstairs with my keys in my hand, and I on my way to leave the building I saw this guy, I'm going to censor his name and call him N. He saw me with excitement and hugged me tightly, and I didn't think anything of it. He was simply someone that just hugged me. I then ran into my girl as friend Shayne. I told her I wanted to play her a song that I learned. She nodded, and N decided that he wanted to listen to, so being courteous, i said okay. But it turned out that it was just N that came with me. It was awkward from that moment.
He followed me into the practice room, and I smiled in awkwardness. I started to play for him, and he got aroused it seemed. So in response, I told him that I only really practice piano and flute with my time, and I don't have much else of a social life, because I have no interest to do so. (AKA my hint of, don't even try to hit on me buddy.)
He then decided that I shouldn't practice anymore. I was PISSED. You don't stop me from practicing. I then got really upset, so then I basically told him I was going home. Practicing is what I was there for. So i went to grab my backpack, but he grabbed it before me. I went to grab for it because it was MY backpack, and I WANTED it. But he wouldn't LET me. He kept saying no, pulling the backpack away. I eventually got PISSED and gave up. I went to grab for the backpack again, and he again wouldn't let me, even though he had his car RIGHT next to him. Finally we arrive at my car, and he puts my backpack in my car, and I wave bye to him, hoping he would leave. He then grabbed me and picked me up, I struggled...and screamed, but he just continued to carry me, and put me in my car seat. I then waved bye to him again, but he put his face close to me, and i pulled my face away, touching everything he can. He eventually left, eventually but it took a lot of effort. I kinda sped out of school, and i felt anxious to go home.
I did tell him to stop, I hinted to him too, but he didn't catch it. I have a performance this Sunday, I'm scared.
I hope everything is okay on Sunday.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
My, I forgot about you/ Will you marry me?
You know those people, that you completely forget about?
I had one of those moments.
I was gonna date this guy, and I totally forgot he existed. Haha. I'm a jerk.
I even went through the process of trying to remember who he was.
He asked me out on a date, it was so sweet, but after we decided not to date, my mind just sorta forgot about him. I do that to a lot of people, not just him. In this case, it was my friend Brendan. Sorry man! I didn't mean to forget about you if you are reading this!
I remember you now!
So what did I do today?
Today I went to school, Fall quarter ends tomorrow for me. I did a vocabulary test, and did a review for the final tomorrow for Statistics. It was pretty fun (:
I also practiced piano for 5 ish... maybe 4 and 30 hours haha, close enough. (: I was playing Chopin Waltz no 10 in B minor Op 69 no 2.
I just started and I got it all down, both hand! I just gotta polish! (: I really enjoy piano!
I also hung out with my buddy Gabby, and I ate a GIGANTIC Rice Crispy Treat. It was.. fantastic man.
Also I also wanted to add, that I have fantastic friends. Manny, Marsha, Peter, you made my day Saturday night! :D We all went to Shari's and we had a full in debt conversation about Sticks, Pineapples, Music (of course, we are all Musicians! :D) , and our sexual preferences. They truly make me smile. (:
Also for Gabby, because she tells me funny sex stories. :D We also have deep deep conversations about Sheep, and it is just simply fantastic. She is quite lovely. (:
Oh yeah, so I've asked so many people if they would marry me. I think its proper to explain my meaning behind it. Haha.
Even if you were a boyfriend, when I say "Will you Marry Me?" Or "Will you Marry Me in Erika World?" I don't mean literally marry me. I simply mean "Make me a sandwich." And I'm sorry to say this, but if you took it seriously, I would of played along to it. Although I usually explain it, there was one case in which I thought his response was too cute to explain the joke behind it. That's Chris, he had the cutest response at the time. I kinda didn't wanna explain it. Haha, even though that's not what I really meant behind it. Eventually he took it too seriously though, I feel bad, I really should of explained it! He thought I was taking things too fast, which in his case, it definitely does seem so. But rest assure, I'm not thinking about marriage. Lol, I'm not getting married for 10 years! How could I possibly be thinking of marriage! I definitely learned my lesson by that relationship. Sorry Chris. I still to this day feel bad.
Anyways about asking if they would marry me, I just had to bring up my girlfriend in this one.
My girlfriend gets it~
This totally made my day.
I was sending her a message in pig latin, that said "Hey whats up?" But she totally didn't understand, so she replied with "No I will not make you a sandwich. XD"
I was so proud at that point.
So proud.
It really makes a difference when you explain the joke, although there is rare cases like Gabby and I who just know it means "Make me a sandwich." However, for the normal human mind, I guess I was a bit too harsh, and I scared others. But once they understood, they laughed. I really to this day should of explained it to Chris, but I suppose that if he reads this, he will finally understand.
To me, Marriage is something that is really traditional, and maybe it shouldn't be joked about. But to be honest, if I am not getting married for 10 years, and if the one I want to marry is a girl in that 10 years or so, I couldn't possibly marry her because of certain laws. I think that being with that certain someone is something simply to value, and marriage, you can certainly wait for. I hope in 10 years, same sex marriage gets legal.
Moral of the story, Don't rush into marriage, and take your time in finding someone to love.
Even if you find a girl, or a guy, or the same sex, it should matter. You should love the person, and not the gender.
Also, don't go along with a joke for too long, it really can go too far. I still to this day feel guilty. But there is one thing though if it makes that person feel better. I really did value Chris as a person, and that was a wonderful relationship. I feel bad for making it seem like I was rushing into things, but you learn from your mistakes, and I'm glad I messed up with such a forgiving person like Chris, who is willing to be my friend in the end.
I also came up with the conclusion that I won't use that phrase freely, because It can bring the wrong idea. If I really wanted a sandwich, I should just say "Make me a sandwich." But that's not gonna stop me from saying it. It might come out with Gabby, because she's.. Gabby.
No homo man.
Alright, haha well I'm gonna get going, (:
Good night~
Erika
I had one of those moments.
I was gonna date this guy, and I totally forgot he existed. Haha. I'm a jerk.
I even went through the process of trying to remember who he was.
He asked me out on a date, it was so sweet, but after we decided not to date, my mind just sorta forgot about him. I do that to a lot of people, not just him. In this case, it was my friend Brendan. Sorry man! I didn't mean to forget about you if you are reading this!
I remember you now!
So what did I do today?
Today I went to school, Fall quarter ends tomorrow for me. I did a vocabulary test, and did a review for the final tomorrow for Statistics. It was pretty fun (:
I also practiced piano for 5 ish... maybe 4 and 30 hours haha, close enough. (: I was playing Chopin Waltz no 10 in B minor Op 69 no 2.
I just started and I got it all down, both hand! I just gotta polish! (: I really enjoy piano!
I also hung out with my buddy Gabby, and I ate a GIGANTIC Rice Crispy Treat. It was.. fantastic man.
Also I also wanted to add, that I have fantastic friends. Manny, Marsha, Peter, you made my day Saturday night! :D We all went to Shari's and we had a full in debt conversation about Sticks, Pineapples, Music (of course, we are all Musicians! :D) , and our sexual preferences. They truly make me smile. (:
Also for Gabby, because she tells me funny sex stories. :D We also have deep deep conversations about Sheep, and it is just simply fantastic. She is quite lovely. (:
Oh yeah, so I've asked so many people if they would marry me. I think its proper to explain my meaning behind it. Haha.
Even if you were a boyfriend, when I say "Will you Marry Me?" Or "Will you Marry Me in Erika World?" I don't mean literally marry me. I simply mean "Make me a sandwich." And I'm sorry to say this, but if you took it seriously, I would of played along to it. Although I usually explain it, there was one case in which I thought his response was too cute to explain the joke behind it. That's Chris, he had the cutest response at the time. I kinda didn't wanna explain it. Haha, even though that's not what I really meant behind it. Eventually he took it too seriously though, I feel bad, I really should of explained it! He thought I was taking things too fast, which in his case, it definitely does seem so. But rest assure, I'm not thinking about marriage. Lol, I'm not getting married for 10 years! How could I possibly be thinking of marriage! I definitely learned my lesson by that relationship. Sorry Chris. I still to this day feel bad.
Anyways about asking if they would marry me, I just had to bring up my girlfriend in this one.
My girlfriend gets it~
This totally made my day.
I was sending her a message in pig latin, that said "Hey whats up?" But she totally didn't understand, so she replied with "No I will not make you a sandwich. XD"
I was so proud at that point.
So proud.
It really makes a difference when you explain the joke, although there is rare cases like Gabby and I who just know it means "Make me a sandwich." However, for the normal human mind, I guess I was a bit too harsh, and I scared others. But once they understood, they laughed. I really to this day should of explained it to Chris, but I suppose that if he reads this, he will finally understand.
To me, Marriage is something that is really traditional, and maybe it shouldn't be joked about. But to be honest, if I am not getting married for 10 years, and if the one I want to marry is a girl in that 10 years or so, I couldn't possibly marry her because of certain laws. I think that being with that certain someone is something simply to value, and marriage, you can certainly wait for. I hope in 10 years, same sex marriage gets legal.
Moral of the story, Don't rush into marriage, and take your time in finding someone to love.
Even if you find a girl, or a guy, or the same sex, it should matter. You should love the person, and not the gender.
Also, don't go along with a joke for too long, it really can go too far. I still to this day feel guilty. But there is one thing though if it makes that person feel better. I really did value Chris as a person, and that was a wonderful relationship. I feel bad for making it seem like I was rushing into things, but you learn from your mistakes, and I'm glad I messed up with such a forgiving person like Chris, who is willing to be my friend in the end.
I also came up with the conclusion that I won't use that phrase freely, because It can bring the wrong idea. If I really wanted a sandwich, I should just say "Make me a sandwich." But that's not gonna stop me from saying it. It might come out with Gabby, because she's.. Gabby.
No homo man.
Alright, haha well I'm gonna get going, (:
Good night~
Erika
Sunday, December 4, 2011
My my my. It really has been a long time.
WARNING: I am going to be speaking my mind. A moment of my daily thought process.
So when I left off this blog I was suffering from the break up with Shane. WOW. That was a LONG time ago. Now I look at myself, and I am completely recovered. Its amazing how time is your greatest medicine.
Yet I haven't changed. I am still sensitive as ever. I still break up with people over thinking they didn't want me. When am I going to learn to talk about things? It's actually really pathetic.
So the last entry I was talking about Jimmy. What happened to him? Right? Alright let me explain.
Jimmy and I ended up liking each other. We were going to date, and we had a little bit of a fling. However since we lived so far away, we decided to slowly get into it. But of course, stupid me, decided to not go for it. I voted against it. Now don't get me wrong. I still miss that boy, and I had liked that boy since I was 7, I dated him when I was 13, and I am STILL not over him. I have liked him for 11 years. (HOLY COW) However, I just knew that it wasn't time for us to get back together IF we were going to get back together. Right now he is dating this great girl, and I am happy for him. He has ALL my support!
Shane? We stopped talking. Basically. Lol. He is now dating my best friend.
Carl and Erika G?
Well Carl is STILL my best friend, Erika G? She shunned me from her life. She really liked Carl, and lets just say a bunch of drama sprouted from it. It wasn't pretty. But I miss her dearly. I still think about her everyday. I pray that she is doing well.
So have I been in any relationships between then and now?
Hah, I have.
I dated this guy named Brook, he was an amazing boyfriend. Although we were distant with each other, it was a very comfortable relationship. I still think about that boy. I am like best friends with his parents, and his mom and I have girls nights out. Its really nice. I can cry to her, and vent to her, and she is there for me. He broke up with me on our 4 month anniversary. But I don't regret anything. He was an amazing guy. I value the time we had together. (:
My favorite memory? Haha. Oh man. I think it was the first day we met actually. I went up to him and let out my hands. He was so confused. I then taught him that dumb hand game I play with everyone. I was so content by being able to play that game with him. I felt at the time, as if thats all I needed. Throughout that whole relationship, it was simply comfortable. We didn't need to reassure each other all the time, we didn't need to say "I love you" to each other. We didn't have to be lovey dovey to each other. We made fun of each other and didn't take it personally. We would dance ridiculously with each other and simply... laugh. We could talk about our days and feel completely content. So why did we break up? He had a prompting from God. He said that was his only reason. I choose to believe him.
Plus I ruined it. He noticed that I started to loose it in our relationship. I knew he did. No matter how much I tried to hide it. I was really bad at it though. He kindly never asked. I fell for someone else. This guys name was Chris.
So before we got together, I was actually plotting a way to get out of it.. honestly. Because I knew that I was getting in the relationship with the wrong intentions. And because of the wrong intentions, I gave in no foundation. Although I gave my efforts in other aspects, I couldn't honestly put in a foundation. Simply because I beat myself up that whole relationship because It didn't feel right. The whole relationship, something was missing. So I put in so much effort to find that missing item. But it was simply me.
Deep down, I wanted to wait and slow down and take it easy. I wanted to stop and make him wait. Because I KNEW that if I waited, that I could give him something stable. But I never was able to give him something stable. Not stable in my book.
So you may be wondering, why the heck did you go for the relationship then?
Emotions.
I fell for him too fast, too hard. It scared me. I got scared, and when I get scared I hold onto things with all my might. But as they say, if you hold to something too tight, they tend to want to nudge away. I was afraid the whole relationship. I was afraid from the very beginning...
I was afraid of loosing my chance. Because he was such an amazing guy, that I felt was too good for me. So I grabbed onto the offer. Even though I still, to this day, regret the fact that I didn't wait. I wish I had waited.
Alright, favorite memory.
Hmm.
I think my favorite memory is anytime we talked. He always always brightened my day just by him saying hi to me. He still does. But since we broke up, he doesn't do that anymore. It really sucks. Haha, but I deserve it. (:
I also was really insecure in that relationship. I had a HUGE lack of stability. It was humiliating. I wish I could of shown him my strong side, you know? But I don't regret the relationship. I just want to go back in time and fix everything. But that's not life. Life, you learn from your mistakes. I was meant to mess up. I was meant to learn. I was meant to learn to care about someone and truly trust them. I experienced what it felt like to fall really hard for someone. I just pray that we can still be good friends when things calm down a bit. But man, don't ever fall hard for someone! OMGOSH! It was so flipping scary! Man! So scary man. I don't wanna do it again!
A few days I got into another relationship, and man, this is interesting. I am SHARING someone. lol. Oh well. Half work for me? Haha. But nah, I have a gf, and she totally is still in love with this guy, and she messes around with him, and I am simply letting her. I don't want to deprive her. I don't have sticks. I can't provide her with such things. Sticks. >.>
She is a really sweet girl though. I am very open with her, and I tell her everything. However I have a bit of a problem of not talking to her enough.
I usually don't check my phone a lot of the time, so sometimes I get piled in her messages. I love it, but I also feel bad because the majority of those messages are:
I miss you!
You there?
Hey Erika!
You there honey?
I also feel like I don't give her enough love, even though she says I do. I just still have a guard up I suppose, I can't seem to let it down yet. Because of my last relationship, I have this exotic (how it is exotic I have no idea! :D) fear of falling for people. But it'll come down in a slow process. I really care about this girl, so I just have to slowly open up to her.
Music? Its been going great! My dreams are slowly coming true~! :D
I am so thankful! So so so thankful!
Alright~ :D I'll write later~ :D
Erika!
So when I left off this blog I was suffering from the break up with Shane. WOW. That was a LONG time ago. Now I look at myself, and I am completely recovered. Its amazing how time is your greatest medicine.
Yet I haven't changed. I am still sensitive as ever. I still break up with people over thinking they didn't want me. When am I going to learn to talk about things? It's actually really pathetic.
So the last entry I was talking about Jimmy. What happened to him? Right? Alright let me explain.
Jimmy and I ended up liking each other. We were going to date, and we had a little bit of a fling. However since we lived so far away, we decided to slowly get into it. But of course, stupid me, decided to not go for it. I voted against it. Now don't get me wrong. I still miss that boy, and I had liked that boy since I was 7, I dated him when I was 13, and I am STILL not over him. I have liked him for 11 years. (HOLY COW) However, I just knew that it wasn't time for us to get back together IF we were going to get back together. Right now he is dating this great girl, and I am happy for him. He has ALL my support!
Shane? We stopped talking. Basically. Lol. He is now dating my best friend.
Carl and Erika G?
Well Carl is STILL my best friend, Erika G? She shunned me from her life. She really liked Carl, and lets just say a bunch of drama sprouted from it. It wasn't pretty. But I miss her dearly. I still think about her everyday. I pray that she is doing well.
So have I been in any relationships between then and now?
Hah, I have.
I dated this guy named Brook, he was an amazing boyfriend. Although we were distant with each other, it was a very comfortable relationship. I still think about that boy. I am like best friends with his parents, and his mom and I have girls nights out. Its really nice. I can cry to her, and vent to her, and she is there for me. He broke up with me on our 4 month anniversary. But I don't regret anything. He was an amazing guy. I value the time we had together. (:
My favorite memory? Haha. Oh man. I think it was the first day we met actually. I went up to him and let out my hands. He was so confused. I then taught him that dumb hand game I play with everyone. I was so content by being able to play that game with him. I felt at the time, as if thats all I needed. Throughout that whole relationship, it was simply comfortable. We didn't need to reassure each other all the time, we didn't need to say "I love you" to each other. We didn't have to be lovey dovey to each other. We made fun of each other and didn't take it personally. We would dance ridiculously with each other and simply... laugh. We could talk about our days and feel completely content. So why did we break up? He had a prompting from God. He said that was his only reason. I choose to believe him.
Plus I ruined it. He noticed that I started to loose it in our relationship. I knew he did. No matter how much I tried to hide it. I was really bad at it though. He kindly never asked. I fell for someone else. This guys name was Chris.
So before we got together, I was actually plotting a way to get out of it.. honestly. Because I knew that I was getting in the relationship with the wrong intentions. And because of the wrong intentions, I gave in no foundation. Although I gave my efforts in other aspects, I couldn't honestly put in a foundation. Simply because I beat myself up that whole relationship because It didn't feel right. The whole relationship, something was missing. So I put in so much effort to find that missing item. But it was simply me.
Deep down, I wanted to wait and slow down and take it easy. I wanted to stop and make him wait. Because I KNEW that if I waited, that I could give him something stable. But I never was able to give him something stable. Not stable in my book.
So you may be wondering, why the heck did you go for the relationship then?
Emotions.
I fell for him too fast, too hard. It scared me. I got scared, and when I get scared I hold onto things with all my might. But as they say, if you hold to something too tight, they tend to want to nudge away. I was afraid the whole relationship. I was afraid from the very beginning...
I was afraid of loosing my chance. Because he was such an amazing guy, that I felt was too good for me. So I grabbed onto the offer. Even though I still, to this day, regret the fact that I didn't wait. I wish I had waited.
Alright, favorite memory.
Hmm.
I think my favorite memory is anytime we talked. He always always brightened my day just by him saying hi to me. He still does. But since we broke up, he doesn't do that anymore. It really sucks. Haha, but I deserve it. (:
I also was really insecure in that relationship. I had a HUGE lack of stability. It was humiliating. I wish I could of shown him my strong side, you know? But I don't regret the relationship. I just want to go back in time and fix everything. But that's not life. Life, you learn from your mistakes. I was meant to mess up. I was meant to learn. I was meant to learn to care about someone and truly trust them. I experienced what it felt like to fall really hard for someone. I just pray that we can still be good friends when things calm down a bit. But man, don't ever fall hard for someone! OMGOSH! It was so flipping scary! Man! So scary man. I don't wanna do it again!
A few days I got into another relationship, and man, this is interesting. I am SHARING someone. lol. Oh well. Half work for me? Haha. But nah, I have a gf, and she totally is still in love with this guy, and she messes around with him, and I am simply letting her. I don't want to deprive her. I don't have sticks. I can't provide her with such things. Sticks. >.>
She is a really sweet girl though. I am very open with her, and I tell her everything. However I have a bit of a problem of not talking to her enough.
I usually don't check my phone a lot of the time, so sometimes I get piled in her messages. I love it, but I also feel bad because the majority of those messages are:
I miss you!
You there?
Hey Erika!
You there honey?
I also feel like I don't give her enough love, even though she says I do. I just still have a guard up I suppose, I can't seem to let it down yet. Because of my last relationship, I have this exotic (how it is exotic I have no idea! :D) fear of falling for people. But it'll come down in a slow process. I really care about this girl, so I just have to slowly open up to her.
Music? Its been going great! My dreams are slowly coming true~! :D
I am so thankful! So so so thankful!
Alright~ :D I'll write later~ :D
Erika!
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