My my my. It really has been a long time.

WARNING: I am going to be speaking my mind. A moment of my daily thought process.

So when I left off this blog I was suffering from the break up with Shane. WOW. That was a LONG time ago. Now I look at myself, and I am completely recovered. Its amazing how time is your greatest medicine.
Yet I haven't changed. I am still sensitive as ever. I still break up with people over thinking they didn't want me. When am I going to learn to talk about things? It's actually really pathetic.
So the last entry I was talking about Jimmy. What happened to him? Right? Alright let me explain.
Jimmy and I ended up liking each other. We were going to date, and we had a little bit of a fling. However since we lived so far away, we decided to slowly get into it. But of course, stupid me, decided to not go for it. I voted against it. Now don't get me wrong. I still miss that boy, and I had liked that boy since I was 7, I dated him when I was 13, and I am STILL not over him. I have liked him for 11 years. (HOLY COW) However, I just knew that it wasn't time for us to get back together IF we were going to get back together. Right now he is dating this great girl, and I am happy for him. He has ALL my support!
Shane? We stopped talking. Basically. Lol. He is now dating my best friend.
Carl and Erika G?
Well Carl is STILL my best friend, Erika G? She shunned me from her life. She really liked Carl, and lets just say a bunch of drama sprouted from it. It wasn't pretty. But I miss her dearly. I still think about her everyday. I pray that she is doing well.
So have I been in any relationships between then and now?
Hah, I have.
I dated this guy named Brook, he was an amazing boyfriend. Although we were distant with each other, it was a very comfortable relationship. I still think about that boy. I am like best friends with his parents, and his mom and I have girls nights out. Its really nice. I can cry to her, and vent to her, and she is there for me. He broke up with me on our 4 month anniversary. But I don't regret anything. He was an amazing guy. I value the time we had together. (:
My favorite memory? Haha. Oh man. I think it was the first day we met actually. I went up to him and let out my hands. He was so confused. I then taught him that dumb hand game I play with everyone. I was so content by being able to play that game with him. I felt at the time, as if thats all I needed. Throughout that whole relationship, it was simply comfortable. We didn't need to reassure each other all the time, we didn't need to say "I love you" to each other. We didn't have to be lovey dovey to each other. We made fun of each other and didn't take it personally. We would dance ridiculously with each other and simply... laugh. We could talk about our days and feel completely content. So why did we break up? He had a prompting from God. He said that was his only reason. I choose to believe him.
Plus I ruined it. He noticed that I started to loose it in our relationship. I knew he did. No matter how much I tried to hide it. I was really bad at it though. He kindly never asked. I fell for someone else. This guys name was Chris.
So before we got together, I was actually plotting a way to get out of it.. honestly. Because I knew that I was getting in the relationship with the wrong intentions. And because of the wrong intentions, I gave in no foundation. Although I gave my efforts in other aspects, I couldn't honestly put in a foundation. Simply because I beat myself up that whole relationship because It didn't feel right. The whole relationship, something was missing. So I put in so much effort to find that missing item. But it was simply me.
Deep down, I wanted to wait and slow down and take it easy. I wanted to stop and make him wait. Because I KNEW that if I waited, that I could give him something stable. But I never was able to give him something stable. Not stable in my book.
So you may be wondering, why the heck did you go for the relationship then?
Emotions.
I fell for him too fast, too hard. It scared me. I got scared, and when I get scared I hold onto things with all my might. But as they say, if you hold to something too tight, they tend to want to nudge away. I was afraid the whole relationship. I was afraid from the very beginning...
I was afraid of loosing my chance. Because he was such an amazing guy, that I felt was too good for me. So I grabbed onto the offer. Even though I still, to this day, regret the fact that I didn't wait. I wish I had waited.
Alright, favorite memory.
Hmm.
I think my favorite memory is anytime we talked. He always always brightened my day just by him saying hi to me. He still does. But since we broke up, he doesn't do that anymore. It really sucks. Haha, but I deserve it. (:
I also was really insecure in that relationship. I had a HUGE lack of stability. It was humiliating. I wish I could of shown him my strong side, you know? But I don't regret the relationship. I just want to go back in time and fix everything. But that's not life. Life, you learn from your mistakes. I was meant to mess up. I was meant to learn. I was meant to learn to care about someone and truly trust them. I experienced what it felt like to fall really hard for someone. I just pray that we can still be good friends when things calm down a bit. But man, don't ever fall hard for someone! OMGOSH! It was so flipping scary! Man! So scary man. I don't wanna do it again!
A few days I got into another relationship, and man, this is interesting. I am SHARING someone. lol. Oh well. Half work for me? Haha. But nah, I have a gf, and she totally is still in love with this guy, and she messes around with him, and I am simply letting her. I don't want to deprive her. I don't have sticks. I can't provide her with such things. Sticks. >.>
She is a really sweet girl though. I am very open with her, and I tell her everything. However I have a bit of a problem of not talking to her enough.
I usually don't check my phone a lot of the time, so sometimes I get piled in her messages. I love it, but I also feel bad because the majority of those messages are:
I miss you!
You there?
Hey Erika!
You there honey?

I also feel like I don't give her enough love, even though she says I do. I just still have a guard up I suppose, I can't seem to let it down yet. Because of my last relationship, I have this exotic (how it is exotic I have no idea! :D) fear of falling for people. But it'll come down in a slow process. I really care about this girl, so I just have to slowly open up to her.

Music? Its been going great! My dreams are slowly coming true~! :D
I am so thankful! So so so thankful!




Alright~ :D I'll write later~ :D

Erika!